Laugh Loud Loud

We're Closed

2010-05-09T00:53:00.000+08:00

Had been blogging on www.ginsengtonic.blogspot.com ..

Well.. Due to time constraints and wondering why I have a separate blog in the first place for my jokes and encounters..

I've decided to keep them all under one roof.... back at www.ginsengtonic.blogspot.com

Yupz.. Organisation Reorg...

So check me out there....

www.ginsengtonic.blogspot.com

RIP

Men and Women

2010-04-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

Man: When my wife gets mad at me.. She gets "HISTORICAL"...

Doc: You mean "HYSTERICAL" right?

Man: "HISTORICAL".. Because she will start listing everything that I EVER did wrong...

-- Another joke to brighten up your day --

It's a Sign

2010-04-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen.. It's a sign...
Think I have good news to announce...

(1) The TUMMY is getting BIGGER...

(2) There's trouble getting up in the morning...

(3) There's the MORNING SICKNESS with nausea feeling...

(4) There's the LETHARGY in movements...

It can only mean one thing right?!...

Yup.. Ladies and Gentlemen...

It's GOOD NEWS...

I would like to announce...

There'll be a new addition to my LIFE!!!!!!!

*****EXERCISE*****

Coz.. Those are the symptoms of not my wifey...

But ME!!!....

-- Another joke to brighten up your day--

Expiry Date

2010-04-01T23:30:00.001+08:00

Wifey: Baby.. I think the Mee Sua that we bought from Korea is expiring today.. Maybe I go and cook some to eat..

Me: Ok.. Maybe we share since it's very late already...

...1 minute later...

My Wifey came back empty handed..

Me: What happened?.. Throw away already?

Wifey:

Oh..

The expiry is....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

NEXT YEAR!

-- Another joke to brighten up your day--

Under One Roof

2010-03-28T00:36:00.001+08:00

Just came back from Hong Kong not too long ago...
The shirt that I bought there.. Had some color stains after my mum helped wash it..
Click HERE to read about the trip and take a look at the shirt I bought...

Mich: I think.. it's because your mum soaked the shirt.. Maybe that's why there's the color stain on the shirt..

Me: Oh is it?!.. Never knew that... Coz we always soak first..

Mich: Ya.. Usually especially new clothes.. Just rinse and wash can already.. Maybe, you want to ask your mum not to soak if she help wash the clothes..

Me: Oh ok.. I'll let her know.. "Michelle say.. Don't soak the shirt before......"

Mich: Eh.. Don't use my name...

Me: Ya right.. Don't need to say also know it's your feedback! My mum washed my clothes for more than 20years and I did not say anything.. Suddenly, today.. out of the blue.. I have an inspiration and tell my mum.. eh.. don't soak the new clothes!...

Both of us burst up laughing... My writing is not doing the incident justice as it was a lot funnier when it happened =)

-- Another joke to brighten up your day--

Great Service?

2010-03-09T23:16:00.001+08:00

The funniest thing I saw today..

A service was being marketed..

"We are just one click away! Click! Click!"...

Confusion indeed...

-- Another joke to brighten up your day--

Kumar: Stripped Bare and Standing Up

2010-03-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

Pic from Vera

Stand-up Comedy from Singapore's most famous drag queen..

First time watching him.. He's really good..

Of course there were the typical "Ah Gua" or Trans jokes..

The whole set was about 1hr 20min?..

Maybe that's the norm for a one-man stand up?...

But being such a value-for-money guy.. Definitely feel it could be longer! haha..

Nonetheless....

Thumbs Up!

Rich - Poor Divide

2010-02-21T22:43:00.003+08:00

The funniest thing about the whole Tiger Woods scandals and affairs incident?

A comment I read in the papers after Tiger Woods' "apology".

"Only rich men go to therapy for sex addiction.

The rest of the world gets a flying pan on their head."

-- Another joke to brighten up your day --

Marriage

2010-02-09T22:53:00.002+08:00

Friend: How's marriage so far?

Me: Well, there's a lot of give and take..

and it's I-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g....

Friend: Huh?

Me: When we were dating..

When Mich stayed over at my place, I didn't make my bed..

When I stayed over at Mich's place, I didn't make the bed..

Suddenly after marriage..

"Why didn't you make the bed???!!!"

--Another joke to brighten up your day--

Sex or Not?

2010-02-03T00:33:00.001+08:00

The woman says, "Well, when you're in the mood, just shake my left breast once, and I'll know. If you don't want to, shake my right breast once."

The man says, "All right. And if you want to make love to me, shake my penis once, if you do not want to make love to me, shake my penis about 50 times."

--Another Joke to brighten your day--

Kimchi Land

2010-01-12T23:45:00.003+08:00

Back from Korea..

The funny incidents I remembered from Korea..

Warning: You may not find it funny if you were not there...

1. I have a NYDC perfume.

2. We have a dozen cans of beers, after drinking 3 or 4, we should have 10 left.

3. After checking-in our luggage and buying stuff near the boarding area a question was asked.. "Do I have to put it in my luggage or can I bring it up the plane?"

- Another joke to brighten up your day-

Land of Kimchi

2010-01-03T17:38:00.001+08:00

Off to Land of Kimchi from 3rd Jan to 10th Jan..

Let's see if I observe anything interesting..

Till then...

Fat or Not?

2009-12-31T00:38:00.003+08:00

Came home late today..

As I had an early dinner, I was feeling hungry...

There I was.. Happily enjoying my snack of potato chips and watching my TV...

When my beautiful came and remarked..

"And you are wondering why you are getting fat?"

Me: "No.. I'm not."

Her: "Oh.. so you are not wondering?"

Me: : "No.. I'm not fat!"

Lost my appetite for potato chips =(

The Wife

2009-12-21T22:50:00.003+08:00

Follow-up to my previous conversation of the day (click here) on the gathering with my secondary school pals (click here for pics).

Got reminded by my friend of another conversation that night.

As some of them are from Malaysia, we were thinking of heading to Malaysia for a day-trip to visit and catch up. Started wondering what we can do there and the topic came to going for KTV there.

A:".. but it's difficult for Winnie to go as she has to take care of the baby.."

B:".. aiya.. can leave the baby to the wife to take care..."

A:".. eh.. but she IS the wife!.."

--Another joke to brighten up your day--

Let's all pretend...

2009-12-18T00:17:00.003+08:00

Had a gathering of some secondary friends last night.

Always nice to meet up and catch up with old friends.

Check out the pics here http://ginsengtonic.blogspot.com/2009/12/slss-unite.html

We started catching up on old times. About us visiting a friend of ours for Hari Raya almost every year and how she has not been able to make it because she's working overseas.

Her: "Hey, we should pretend that it's Hari Raya and we should all go to your place to eat."

Him: "Ya.. And I'll pretend to serve you guys food!"

--Another joke to brighten up your day--

How do you know for sure?

2009-12-13T23:39:00.004+08:00

Over heard two Guys talking at the next table when out for drinks...

Guy A: " How do you know for sure you are not a gay?"

Guy B: "Well.. Because I like chicks."

Guy A: "But how do you know for sure?"

Guy B: "Because.. I don't like 2 'swords' fighting?!"

Guy A: "Maybe you should try.. So that you can know for sure whether you are gay."

Guy B:"F#@K off.. Guess I'll just never know for sure then!"

-- Another joke to brighten up your day --

Correct Spelling, Punctuation and Apostrophe Use

2009-11-22T00:13:00.002+08:00

As seen from the above group on Facebook.

From the 'You Suck at Craigslist' fan page:

"help im a young writer who wrote several books an want to no how to try to get them published"

In my professional opinion, what you need is:

1) punctuation

2) a dictionary

3) a backup plan

-- Another joke to brighten up your day --

Trust

2009-11-17T23:54:00.002+08:00

Been hearing this on Radio very often, yet every time I still find it funny...

"Never trust anything...

That bleeds for 5 days...

And still doesn't die!"

-- Another joke to brighten up your day --

Men vs Women Part 3

2009-11-13T17:05:00.004+08:00

Had some issues with the pre-wedding shoot album.

A photo had me with my eyes closed.

Me: It's not that obvious. Another "feel" to it.

Wifey: It's so obvious only the BLIND can't see!

----------------

Check out the other Men Vs Women

Part 1

Part 2

- Another Joke to brighten up your day-

Men vs Women

2009-11-08T04:03:00.004+08:00

Best joke I heard the whole week...

Men are seriously handicapped in arguments with women.

That's because....

Men

has

need

make

sense!

-- Another joke to brighten up your day --

Check out my other Men vs Women entry on ginsengtonic.blogspot.com here

Singapore Men?

2009-11-03T00:51:00.003+08:00

As heard from Kumar (the queen)...

Think I saw it on a video that was uploaded on Facebook by a friend..

So if it's good.. Well, you read it here although I didn't come out with it..

If it's not good.. or if you are offended..

Hey.. You know the source haha..

------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time...

1) If you put a white man in a room with a babe

He will rape the girl

2) If you put a African man in a room with a babe

He will rape the girl

And eat her...

3) If you put a Singapore man in a room with a babe

He will sit one corner and wait for further instructions....

-- Another joke to brighten up your day--

S.E.X

2009-10-26T22:44:00.002+08:00

Girl: You know.. I'm a good, conservative girl...

I don't have sex with just anybody, you know...

Boy: Sure.. I totally understand...

Girl: I believe I must at least know a guy for 6 months before going to bed with him...

Boy: You know, I totally respect that......

Girl: Thanks for being so understanding...

Boy: Ya.. That's cool.....

So... I'll call you again in 6 months' time?

Conversation of the Day

2009-10-22T21:58:00.003+08:00

Bumped into a colleague who was on the way to buy a water bottle for use in office...

Me: Hey.. Don't have to buy..

If you just want a functional one, I have a few water bottles in the car now..

Free gifts from pumping petrol..

If you don't mind, I can give you one..

Her: Oh ok.. That's great...

Eh.. Can choose colour of the water bottle?

Me:

Sure...

You can have the colour of your choice...

as long as it's....

BLACK

One colour fits all.. Well, it's a free gift...

Fashion

2009-10-20T22:03:00.002+08:00

Two gals were talking...

About men who dress fashionably well...

Overheard one of them saying...

If you see a man dressed fashionably well, usually it is one of these 2 situations..

1. He has a girlfriend/wife with good taste or

2. He is gay

Say what?...

2009-10-14T23:29:00.002+08:00

100% original joke that I thought of..

If it's good.. You read it here first...

If it's not good.. well.. you won't remember anyway haha...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man and a woman were sitting on a bench by the beach...

What did the woman say to the man who was an insurance agent?

*NOTHING!!*

Nobody ever talks to the insurance agent...

Please Come Out!

2009-10-12T00:54:00.003+08:00

Was at Northpoint Shopping Center having dinner...

After dinner had the urge to bomb.. so went looking for a toilet to shit...

The simple pleasure of life.. Clearing my bowels...

In the midst of my bombing...

Out of the blue..

There were knocks on my door...

*Bang*Bang*Bang*...

"Please come out! Please come out!"...

*Water started splashing all around from outside*

It was the cleaning lady.. shouting and banging on other closed doors as she was cleaning the toilets...

I understand it was near closing time..

She had her work to accomplish..

But hey.. she knocked and shouted as though we could come out anytime we liked..

Like I would be chilling out in the toilet...

Or marveling at the toilet bowl as a piece of exquisite sculpture...

Relationship

2009-10-08T01:50:00.000+08:00

You know your relationship is in trouble...
When after a love making session...
The guy turns over..
And asks...

"So how much do I have to pay you?"

Nipples and Mannequins

2009-10-07T01:14:00.000+08:00

Whenever I go shopping..
Upon seeing a mannequin..
I always wonder...

Why the hell do they mold nipples for the mannequins?!...

I don't think they ever planned to let the mannequins wear bras before they put the display clothes on!....

Conversation of the Day

2009-10-06T00:18:00.000+08:00

How are you?

Overheard an Ang Moh talking to a Singaporean Girl..

Ang Moh: Why do Singaporeans say "Fine" when asked "How are you?"
Miss X: "Fine" is a description of Ok. Anyway that's the response most of us were taught in school when we were young.

Ang Moh: Fine is NOT Ok.. It's like after making out with your partner.. and you go.. "Darling, so how was it?"...
If the reply is "Oh.. it was fine."...

It's soooooooo nnnooooottttt FINE!

Point noted!

How are you?
Magnificently Excellent!

Crazy Thoughts

2009-10-03T01:41:00.000+08:00

When I was younger..
I wondered..
How people will react.. (or how big a trouble I'd get into)..
If I were to..

Stand close to a person who's at the ATM withdrawing money..
With a pen and paper in hand..
Right after he key his PIN..
I'd scribble and say..

"Ok.. Got it!"..

And start running away...

The Idiot in All of Us..

2009-10-02T00:16:00.003+08:00

Ever wondered how:

Whenever we are swimming laps in the pool,
There are always idiots standing at the end of the pool blocking our way..
And whenever we are taking a break at the end of the pool,
There are always idiots swimming into us?

Whenever you are walking alone,
There are always a bunch of idiots walking side-by-side blocking the path..
And whenever you are walking side-by-side with a group of friends,
There are always idiots walking into you?

Whoever drives faster than you is an idiot rushing to die,
And whoever drives slower than you is an idiot who has no purpose in life?

Whoever is richer than you
are idiots who cheat and backstab their way to richess..
And whoever isn't as rich as you
are idiots who are too lazy?

Whoever is more successful than you
are idiots who have no life and is slogging away..
And whoever isn't as successful as you
are idiots who has no ambition?

Watch your words..

Previously Posted on Ginseng Tonic